I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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