it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
