And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm experimenting with sincerity
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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