apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
