HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Ladies don't puke and tell
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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