ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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