the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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