You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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