just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
