if only i could text you this smell
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
