Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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