i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
