She just used a chaser for red wine.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
