I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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