You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize