I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
