I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
