If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
