He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
