you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
