just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
