I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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