JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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