you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
