Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
