Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
