i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
