i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
