"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Someone shattered a urinal.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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