I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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