Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
