I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
