So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
