Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My liver just had a heart attack.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
