I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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