So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
