I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
