Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Never underestimate the power of titties
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
