so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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