Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
