I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
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