For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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