my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
