Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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