Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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