we have officially lost it.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
