I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
