We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
