I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
