soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
