i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
