We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I could make wine with my vomit
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
