Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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