You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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