apparently the secret to your success is patron
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
