rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
