you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
