a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
