remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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