is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
