Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
