I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
