can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
