The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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